Speaking Parisian

Speaking Parisian is equal parts French language, culture and lifestyle

By Camille Chevalier

Born and raised in Paris, I now specializes in teaching both French and French/American cultural differences to adults in private lessons in Boston or by phone to anywhere. My intermediate audio novels and free podcast have been featured in many magazines and French websites.

Many of my French language students have studied for years, yet, they still find it a challenge to communicate effectively when in Paris. What is it that makes "Parisian French" so different from what English-speaking Francophiles learn in class? Are there ways to learn faster? How can big faux-pas be avoided? How can students of French better fit into the Paris lifestyle?

I lived most of my life in Paris, and Paris is where all my family comes from. I know there is so much more to speaking Parisian than perfect grammar and good pronunciation. Parisians expect you to know certain things, but won’t mind common mistakes -- as long as you are making an effort. That said, there are good mistakes and, well, less good mistakes.

The problem is that language books cover only the language (and obsess on the tenses part of learning a language) and overlook the most important thing about learning French: the cultural differences, and the things Parisians really expect you to know. Mess up saying "Champs-Elysées” and they will shrug with disdain. Shower them with all the cool idioms you spent too much time studying, and you'll come off as pompous. Parisians are not easily impressed, but fast to judge.

It is however rather simple to handle a friendly conversation -- if you can overlook the fact that they'll switch to English as soon as you open your mouth. Stay calm, and with a nice smile, say "Je préfère parler français." They'll cooperate. Then, use simple words, in simple constructions, and go to the point. My first audiobook -- 90 pages, 3 hours of audio -- is free to read, hear and download on my site, and written entirely in the present tense. Yes, sometimes it is not grammatically perfect, but why care -- Parisians don't. If you can learn to speak as I do in my audiobook, most Parisians will be happy to have nice, long conversations with you.

But speaking is not everything. There are lots of intricate "politeness" rules, which go far beyond the correct use of "tu" and "vous." Did you know that in Paris, women seldom help themselves to wine, or, that you should never hug any French person (on some occasions, you may very well kiss them on only the second meeting).

On this page, I'm going to let you in on some very useful inside information on communicating with Parisians -- both language tips as well as cultural insight. I offer this perspective to save you hours of studying things you will never use while in Paris. If you like what's below, I invite you to find even more detailed information in the form of free lessons with audio files at my website.

Questions? If you have some simple questions about Speaking Parisian, I'd be glad to try and answer them. Just send me an e-mail here.

 

 

Do not say "mon plaisir"

A lot of my students make this common mistake. When being thanked for something nice they've done, they say "Mon plaisir." This sounds terrible in French. We have a very formal expression which is "Tout le plaisir était le mien." (literally, "All the pleasure was mine"), but if a man was to say this to a woman, it would be a bit flirtatious. To express that idea, we would say either "Je vous en prie" (You're welcome), "Il n’y a pas de quoi" (It was nothing), or "J’étais heureux de le faire" (I was happy to do it).

Carry a small notepad in your pocket

Names are tough to say and remember. And some people have a really tough time with accents, even if you are doing your best. So it’s a good idea to carry a small notepad in your pocket, in which you can write your destination should the taxi driver really not get understand you, or draw something you are looking for but don’t know the name of at a shop. And if you don't use it to communicate, then you can always sit in a café, take notes and pretend you are Baudelaire.

Numbers—use digits

Numbers are always difficult. They are hard to say and understand, and can lead to major miscommunications. It is worth parcticing numbers a lot, especially if you're going to do a lot of shopping in Paris. (I have developed a very detailed lesson with audio called: Number and Prices, which I think you will find useful.) If you are not sure how to say a big number, just say the digits: "I'm looking for the train three-hundred ninety-six" can be, simply, "Je cherche le train trois neuf six." Everybody understands that. The small notebook you're now carrying in your pocket can also be useful to write numbers down, especially when bargaining for a better price in an open market.

When eating out with a couple of Parisian friends, take turns inviting, do not split the bill

Because talking about money is considered impolite by Parisians, we don't like to share the bill at the end of a meal. Instead, friends take turn inviting each other. Specially if the party is only two people or two couples. Friends can say it up front "Ce soir, c’est nous qui vous invitons" (Tonight, it’s on us.). Or, just grab the bill when it arrives. Friends often argue on who will pay the bill, meaning everybody argues that they want to pay the whole bill. And it is often settled by "Non, j'insiste. Vous nous inviterez la prochaine fois" (No, I insist. You'll invite us next time), or "Non, non, c’est à notre tour, c’est vous qui nous avez invité la dernière fois" (No, no, it's our turn, you invited us last time.) Be aware of the difference between, "Je voudrais vous inviter au restaurant" (I’d like to invite you to a restaurant.), which means the person will pay the whole bill, and "Vous voulez venir avec nous au restaurant ce soir?" (I would you like to join us in a restaurant tonight?). Or, more casual: "On se fait un resto ce soir?" (Why don’t we eat out tonight?), which is unclear on who is paying.

If you don’t get it the first time, don’t say "Répétez s’il vous plaît"

If you do, the person is going to repeat exactly what he/she just said. And unless you didn’t hear the first time, you’re unlikely to get it better the second time around. If you just say "Je ne comprends pas" (I don’t understand), the person will think you didn't get anything, and is very likely to just switch into English, or give up on you. So, instead, say, "Je ne comprends pas bien" (I don’t understand everything), causing your interlocutor to reformulate his sentence, using other words. And do not hesitate to say, "S’il vous plaît, parlez plus lentement et plus fort" (Please, speak slower and louder). Not hearing is often a big part of not understanding.

If you run out of options, just turn an English word into a French one

French and English share 65 percent of their vocabulary, so if you are really stuck, and can’t figure out any other way, just put a French twist on English words. You could be lucky, but also be prepared to make a total fool of yourself: "Je préfère la nourriture sans préservatifs," might sound like a good translation for organic food, but the correct word is "préservateurs." "Un préservatif" is a condom. Whoops!

Madame or mademoiselle?

Delicate question. When talking to a woman, you don't know which one to use? Well, if she’s under, say 25, especially if she looks young, mademoiselle is fine. But if you are a man, and say "Bonjour Mademoiselle" to a 35-year-old, you'll sound flirtatious. So, over 30, use madame. Some old "bigotte" (church mouse) might correct you, but it's pretty unlikely. On the contrary, if the said thirty-five years old answers with a smile “Mademoiselle”, she is flirting with you! Oh, and do not say the first "e" in mademoiselle. It’s "mad moi zel" in French.

When asking for something in the street, get to the point

In Paris as in all major cities, there are lots of beggars. So, if you stop a passerby and start by "Excusez moi, je me demandais si vous pouviez m’aidez?" (Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me?) Parisians are likely to not stop, and keep on going, thinking you are going to ask them for money. This is a fast city, like New York, so get in the pace and go to the point. “Excusez-moi, je cherche le métro.” That is polite enough, and should get you an answer.

 

 

Don't translate word for word

It's amazing the number of students who translate every single word from English to French. And this is so wrong. First, because it takes too long, and second, because in most cases, your vocabulary in English is much, much more developed than your French one. So, you may want to say "What a delightful place, the food is exquisite," but very few of you would actually be able to translate such a complex sentence. Think of the idea, the essence of what you want to say -- a compliment on the location and the food. Then use simple words and structure: "Le restaurant est beau. Et très bon" will get your point across, and Parisians will be delighted that you did pay a compliment, as they so often do.

Learn how to pronounce Paris main streets and monuments

There is nothing Parisians dislike more than a tourist stumbling over the name of one of their glorious cultural venues or street names. The idea that this might be difficult to pronounce for a foreigner does not even cross their minds. For them, it's basic knowledge that anyone ought to know. So, here, pronunciation is really worth studying. I have recorded all these words in a slow pronunciation track that allows you time to repeat and practice, in my bilingual intermediate novel/travel guide "Une Semaine à Paris," a Paris Guide With a Novel Twistavailable at my site.

Shake hands, kiss, but don't hug

If hugging is a common greeting in the States among friends and family, Parisians never hug. When I arrived for the first time in the States, it was so awkward to me that it actually took me about six years to feel comfortable enough to truly hug my friends. Parisian men shake hands: a firm, strong shake, looking into the eyes. If you are really happy to see the person, you may cover your handshake with your other hand. Women shake hands in a professional situation, or if they don't know each other at all, but move on to kissing very quickly, even at work among colleagues -- with both genders. For example, you may arrive at a party and shake hands, then socialize, make friends, and get kissed when you leave. The kiss is more of an air kiss, but the cheeks do touch, unlike the mocking American air kiss. Parisians usually kiss twice, once on each cheek, and it will feel weird if you stop at one. In other parts of France, the French kiss up to 4 times. This is also a question of social class. The higher up in social class, the less kissing and more handshaking. In more working class situations or with younger crowds, men sometimes kiss each other. Always on the cheeks, twice. They may even hug a bit, but more of a “tap on the back” kind of motion, not a big American hug.

Stay away from slang and idioms

Yes, I know, you spent hours studying them. They are so much fun. And schools love to teach them since it makes for an easy, lively, fun class. The thing is, though, if the right idiom is used in the right sentence, it sounds and feels good, but as with all good things, too many idioms will make you look like you're trying to hard to impress your audience. And Parisians don't like this -- it comes off as arrogant to them. The same caution applies to slang in general. Yes, Parisians do use a lot of slang: "merde" is common, so is "con," "putain" and other less-than-charming words. But what sounds perfectly normal from the lips of a Parisian, sounds contrived coming from a foreigner. Furthermore, slang is used in a certain context; if you use it with the wrong people, or in the wrong situation, it will be a big faux pas.

Sorry, social classes count in Paris

There is no way around the importance of social classes in Paris. And at the risk of sounding snobby I'm going to tell you that, well, a lot of Parisians are snobby. The way you express yourself will tend to categorize you as belonging to one class or another. For example, many students have learned to say "De rien." ("It's nothing." ) as an answer to "merci." De rien is indeed very used in Paris, but more so in the working class environment. Parisians who fancy themselves as upper classe would favor "Je vous en prie." (pronounced shvoo zan pree), and "Je t'en prie." (shtan pree). Common mistakes among the French themselves include "la copine à ma soeur," which should be "la copine de ma soeur." If you speak Parisian like that, it will fly in a café, but not at the Ritz. So, get a feel for your surroundings, and talk freely in a relaxed setting, but watch the vocabulary you use in a more formal setting, and of course, use "vous." I invite you to read more on this topic with audio tracks on my site.

Drinking rules

Before drinking, even water, you have to wait for everybody's drink to be on the table. Even in a restaurant. The host, or a guest, then may, or may not raise his glass to a toast. If this happens, you have to drink, even if you just moisten your lips. It's rude not to. And if your host doesn't give a toast, then you may drink as soon as he has started. It is standard manners for men to fill up the glasses of the women next to them. Although this changes more and more, old manners dictate that a woman doesn't help herself to drinks. In less formal settings, everybody  gives a "cheers,"  saying "A ta santé," answered by "A la tienne," or "A votre santé," answered by "A la votre," or even just "Chin-chin." Then we clink our glasses, take a sip, and put it down. And of course we comment on our drink with an approving grin or a good French "mmmm." Do not empty your glass of wine or Champagne in one big gulp, this is not a shot, and should be slowly tasted and enjoyed.

Parisians rarely use the "ne" part of a negation

You probably learned in school that the negative in French is formed with two words surrounding the verb: “ne” (or n’) and “pas.” Then, you diligently learned "Je NE veux pas.” Then, you go to Paris, and you are shocked to never hear the "ne." It’s because we don't use it. Rather, I should say, we glide so quickly over it that it almost disappears. First, you should know that no French person would say "Je NE veux pas." They’ll smooth it to something that sounds like "Jeun veu pa." In Paris, we even omit the "ne" altogether; it becomes "shveu pa." Of course, we still write "Je ne veux pas." So you need to focus on the "pas” or “jamais" (never), "rien" (nothing), "aucun" (no or none), "person" (no one), that replace the pas, to understand that the sentence is in the negative.

Communicate first — to the point and with a polite tone

Many of my students understand enough to get by in Paris, but then they freeze when they actually get there. They know they are likely to make mistakes, and that stops them from even trying to speak. This is really too bad. Parisians don't care if you make mistakes, as long as you are polite. If you try to communicate and you do so with a polite tone, your effort will be welcome. But if you spend precious interactive time looking for the absolutely correct form in your head, and don’t utter a word until you've got it perfectly formed in your mind, Parisians will get impatient and move on. You need to be quick more than correct. Paris is a fast-moving city, like New York, and no-one has time for a hesitation. So, get to the essential elements of what you are trying to communicate. Use very simple words and simple constructions, and never forget to be polite.

Become proficient with practical, everyday expressions

There are constructions that will repeat themselves over and over in Paris: "Je voudrais" ("I would like"), "S'il vous plait" ("Please"), "Combien ça coûte?" ("How much does this cost"), "L’addition s'il vous plait" ("Check, please"), "Quel est le plat du jour" ("What's the dish of the day"). Practice simple phrases like these, so they come naturally to you and you don't have to struggle with them. It will give you more time to think about the rest of what you'd like to say. Check out the “conversations for beginners” on the free lessons on my site, they come with audio and will be most helpful around Paris.

Learn the ways you can "cheat" to make things easier

This is a little known fabulous new trend: "nous" ("we") is becoming obsolete and is increasingly only used only in writing and in very formal settings. Instead, the street is being taken by "on," which traditionally means "one, people," (an impersonal pronoun subject that takes an "il" and "elle" verb form (3rd person singular). Example: "On est," "On va," ("We go"), "On regarde" ("We look"). Using "on" is just fine in most settings, and will allow you to spend less time training on the "nous" conjugation. One less verb conjugation to learn is a sweet deal.

Dressing is a language: dress business casual in Paris

Parisians do dress up much more for everyday activities than most Americans. Teenagers do wear Nikes, sweatshirts and low-rise jeans, but usually with a trendy T-shirt and nice shirt on top. It looks like they grabbed the first thing handy, but they actually put a lot of thought into it -- boys and girls alike. Grown ups dress closer to what Americans call "business casual": Ann Taylor, Ralph Lauren, Banana Republic, and the Gap are some good examples of brands that will fit in in Paris. Classic styles are always recommended. Shorts and Nikes are fine to power walk through Paris in the afternoon, and grab a sandwich at a café, but you must change into khakis, shirt and leather shoes when going in a restaurant or bistro. For men, a sport jacket with a dress shirt over a clean pair of jeans, and "dressy" leather shoes is fine for a casual night out. For women, don't overdo it. Parisians prefer good cuts and pretty fabrics to beads and evening gowns. Nothing too flashy: think Armani, not Versace. Accessorize: you don’t need to pack a huge suitcase. Different scarves, earrings and hairdos can change the look of a standard black outfit.

The right way to ask a delicate question

It's more complicated than it seems. Parisians have old rules about excusing oneself to go to the rest room. You shouldn't go in the middle of a meal. And when you need to go, you should be very discreet about it. So, in a restaurant, if you need to go, just say to the people with you "Veuillez m’excusez" (more formal), or just "Excusez-moi." Then get up and go towards an employee, and ask: "Où sont les toilettes s'il vous plait" ("Where are the rest rooms please"). Easy enough. If you get invited to someone's house, it's a bit more complicated. In the best-case scenario, the hostess will volunteer the info when she takes your coat or accompanies you to the living room. She'll say something like: "Les toilettes sont à gauche" ("The rest room is on the left") and you should memorize the door. If she doesn't, then plan on going before or after the meal. Wait for her to get up, follow her (but not into the kitchen, you have no place there in a Parisian household). Then ask discreetly: "Où est-ce que je peux me rafraichir?" ("Where can I freshen up?"). If you ask "Où est la salle de bains?" she'll think you want to take a shower. Toilets are often in a separate room. And they often have no sink. Learn to bear with it. In a more relaxed setting, you can simply ask "Où sont les toilettes?", but do it discreetly, not in front of the other guests. And don't add "Parce que j'ai besoin de faire pipi."

At the table, when you are not eating, watch your hands

Unlike in the States, in Paris you should have both hands on the table, face down, by each side of the plate. Never under the table, this is considered very impolite in Paris. Younger people will put their elbow on the table, rest their head in it, or cross their hands. That's OK in a very relaxed setting, like at a barbecue or at a café, but in a good restaurant, or at a new friend's house, you should sit straight in your chair, and keep your hands on the table.

Parisian table manners

Always wait for the hostess to be seated before you sit down. At a very formal dinner, men pull the chair out for the woman next to them, but that's very formal and old fashioned. When food arrives, you should definitely comment on it: "Comme c'est beau" ("How beautiful that is"), or "Ça a l'air délicieux" ("That looks delicious"), or "Comme ça sent bon" ("That smells so good"). Wait for the hostess to start. She will often say "Bon appétit," or ("Bon ap'") in a more relaxed setting. Everyone replies "Bon appétit," and digs in. And again, the comments "Mmmmm, c'est absolument délicieux" ("Mmm, that's delicious"), or "Bravo Anne, comme toujours, c'est vraiment très bon" ("Well done, Anne, as usual, it's very good"). And of course, if you are helping yourself, you should offer the dish to the person next to you before digging in. If the person sitting next to you is a woman, she will accept and help herself, and then she will hold the dish for you. If it's a man, he may say "Après vous," and hold the dish for you first. In a formal dinner, you never help to clear the table. The hostess doesn't want you to know what a mess her kitchen is, or see the boxes of the caterer she secretly ordered the whole dinner from. The kitchen is off limits for guests. But it's not so in an informal setting, like a family dinner you've been invited to. The hostess may insist you stay seated, but you could get up and help, especially if you are a woman. Men tend to stay seated throughout the meal, as the women take care of them. Coffee is then usually served in the living room, where you may also enjoy a "digestive" (Cognac, Armagnac, Benedictine).